Freak'd OUT : Episode #2

SENTIMENTAL

It’s about two friends - Alex and Nola. They proved that there can be “just friends” between a guy and a gal, but also covers it with a black, very dark sheet of doubt and disbelief.

Alex went to Delhi for his high school. Nola was already in his class. They became friends and best friends for life in consequent months. Alex was all alone. Away from family and friends for the first time, he got exactly what he wanted – a friend, a family. He became a member of Nola's family. You know why? Because when Nola shifted from San Francisco in standard eight, she had just lost her 17-year old brother, who looked astonishingly like Alex. I met Alex a year after that and also saw Hena’s brother in a family photo. He looked so similar, except for the width and fairness – every bloody damn thing matches.

They were strictly “best friends”, annoying all sorts of comments around. In the meantime Alex followed to cyber cafes with his friends at hostel and soon got addicted to the new world of Internet. He also made a chat friend – Riyanka. They just enjoyed each other’s company. Nola missed Alex and their evening walks to unknown, never visited domains of the city. And one day at school, when the chemistry teacher was solving a solved example, she asked,

- What are you doing these evenings?

Alex knew Nola’s exact concern. Till this time he avoided this issue as Nola would take a promise from him on not visiting cyber cafés. But now he had no option and he never lied his best friend. Alex replied

- I’m chatting on net over some time.

There was sudden advent of silence. Nola broke it.

- With whom do you chat?

- I got a friend named Riyanka. I chat with her every night.

- "Every night???”, Nola almost stumbled.

Alex continued pretty casually, “Ya. Infact we are each other’s first chat friend”.

- How does she look?

Alex now turned towards Nola and saw those eyes, which mesmerized him for the first time. He looked into Nola’s lips and it was waiting for a reply, so he replied in a hurry

- I don’t know. I didn’t ask for her picture.

Then after a pause he continued, “Don’t worry. I’m studying hard”.

Nola didn’t talk on the issue anymore. Alex was pretty surprised that Nola didn’t object his late night visits to café. Basically she didn’t say a single word – Not a single word ever after that. Alex never heard from her again. It was January 6^th, 2002.

Till recently, I used to think, he visits his girlfriend at Delhi. Now, I know, he visits Nola’s parents. Maybe this terrible incident made him over emotional and over insecure for this world. Slightest argument with his friends makes him sick. You know what he fears most??? Loosing somebody he loves.

A terrible guilt feeling was killing him until recently Riyanka found him at an online social community, orkut.com and messaged him. Alex never talked to Riyanka but I think he doesn’t feel that much guilty after you find Riyanka at his friend list. I just pray for him, pray for somebody could understand him, whom he loves.

Freak'd OUT : Episode #1

STUPID......

Alex never ever cheated on exams. Maybe he asked a couple of answers from friends or seniors in adjacent chairs but it was in standard 7, when his nearest rival, in terms of class rank and dearest too, in terms of competition, Kumar blamed him of cheating.

When Alex reached for the final papers the other day, he found Kumar and few other friends of his were staring at him. Once Alex told me … Kumar’s friends were either whom he fed with chocolates and other shiny creamy stuff or they were failures. Big pieces of shit. Soon they started kicking and pestering his desk and abusing him. Alex could just hear “There comes the cheater” and witness a dense mob of 10 or so moving vigorously around him without touching him. When Alex asked about their paranoid attitude, Kumar came out of the crowd and showed a reference book with torn out pages. He accused Alex of cheating from the book during the exam, the other day. But Alexs' books had a mark - ALEX on the 20^th page, after his B’date. And he showed that the mark was not present in the book. But none knew about this secret mark. Soon his friends – Subhendu, Sandhya and KairV came for rescue but couldn’t control the howling, abusing and muscular crowd. Alex escaped the confusing and rushed home to pick his piece of the book. When returned, he was late by 20 minutes for his mathematics paper – his trump paper. He entered the room and Kumar and his fellows were smiling at him. Soon he realized the trick, conceptualized by Kumar to make him tensed and fragile before his trump paper. They succeeded but Alex scored a century again. That’s why when I first met him, I found him carrying his board mark sheets, his AIRs (All India Ranks) at different entrance exams and the class 7^th grade card with 100 encircled and an arrow pointing to “STUPID CENTURY”.

Freak'd OUT : Prologue

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STUPID SENTIMENTAL SHIT – Its how Alex defined it since he heard of this fancy little English word. And today’s diary page had the same heading. He just recalled something…. No … some things from the past and all those events flashed into his nerve cells – coagulating in pain anxiety, excitement, blushes and now…..a feeling of regret.

I found him looking into the mirror with mixed reactions – confused. What was he exactly searching now? It’s very unusual that the small 6” by 4” mirror found its owner an use after the cobwebs attacked it with fixed calculated sub-optimal mathematical game-theory equations.

I asked him, “What’s up handsome?”

And he replied – “Nice vibe"
A second later he continued - "I’m a stupid sentimental shit”

This answer was very much expected from somebody I lived with for the last 4 years. His search for identity – which he calls as his only reason to live took him to far off lands. All alone. All strange, like a new born child - everytime.

C'est la vie

After exactly 21 years, I think:

"Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that.

But life is about whom you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness, and compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about."

Wrote this a year ago........ on my 21st B'Day.

Final Curse

FINAL CURSE

Painted my corpse, On the
Grave of treachery;
Puffed it with
grass and smoke;

The filthy air suffocated -
The senses;
But I could still feel you
On the bed of patience;

We knew the pain
Would follow us,
Alas it left us
with no choice...

It left us with NO CHOICE



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